Best Honour for Best Man

My best friend since the age of 11, Dean, got married to his fiance Sarah on Easter Sunday.  I had the great honour of being his best man.  I’d like to point out we were both 11 when we became friends…I think you have to make that clear when the word groom  is likely to follow soon after

What a day it was!  I was definitely more nervous than Dean as we travelled to the venue and I’m pretty sure I was closer to tears than him during the ceremony.  It was an emotionally charged day, as weddings are, the emotional impact was upped due to recent family circumstances, of which it is not my place to publish here, on both sides.

The ceremony itself seemed to be over in a flash.  I was keen not to look at anybody in case they were tearing up and it started me off – an unusual feeling for me, I must admit.  The only time I raised my head was when the word ring was said and I immediately stood up.  Thankfully, the registrar was talking about the wedding rings, so it was time for my cameo.  After a brief debate on which ring was which, my cameo went without any problems.

It’s fair to say that the photos took at least 3 times as long as the ceremony, but it’s important that the photos you get are decent, so it was no problem for the rest of us.  Especially as the bucks fizz flowed in the marquee.

A few people had asked me about the speech and I was careful to point out that it was not particularly funny, nor had I practised it.  I figured that these early excuses would stand me in good stead should I die on my arse.  As well as my best man duties, I was the master of ceremonies.  This basically meant that the organiser of the wedding function told me what to say before I said it verbatem into the mic for all to hear.  I thought having to make announcements would help my nerves…it didn’t.  I can’t be much of an actore either, as what I thought was my cool exterior prompted many people to offer me suppport.  It was much appreciated – particularly the pep talk given to me by the bride’s father before the speeches started.

When my speech was underway, I was following the bride’s father and the groom’s very well received speeches.  I was shaking and my first joke died a silent death.  Perhaps this drew some sympathy from the crowd as the rest of the speech seemed to get laughs in the right places.  My favourite joke from the speech had to be edited from an 18 certificate down to a PG and it went down well.  Here goes:

“When I was arranging Dean’s stag do, my housemate was arranging a hen do for the very same weekend. As part of the hen do, she had bought a 6ft inflatable penis for the hen to carry around. So where, she had to put up with a 6ft penis, Dean had to put up with a 5’8’’ tit.” [jab thumb towards self]

I’m sure you can imagine what I had originally thought of to say…

The speeches over, I could finally relax and I spent much of the night meeting new people and having a great time.

It took me quite some time to get over the whole weekend.  Coincidentally Dean and Sarah’s honeymoon is in the US and they return just in time to pass the baton to me.

I may well expand on the events of this day as a purely self indulgent exercise, as I want the memory to live on for a long time.  But I may include the other jokes I used (including  the one that died), so it’s worth a look, just in case.  I’ll also post some pics when possible…

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One response to “Best Honour for Best Man

  1. Nice one, looking forward to the rest of the speech

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